Legacy of the Duelist: Chapter 1
Oct. 8th, 2011 09:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mancalledtrueWith the prologue out of the way, let us see how the story proper develops (for lack of a better word).
The title is "Invitation to Destiny". This is before Brian started using card names for his chapter titles. Double-edged sword.
"Welcome back," said the announcer to the left. "If you're just joining us, I don't have any sympathy for your sorry you-know-what, 'cause you missed one heck of a duel!"
Even in a world with card games getting the full NFL treatment, I don't think the announcers would feel the need to censor themselves. Except maybe to avoid FCC fines.
WE ALL LIVE IN AMERICA: 2
"That's right, Ted," said the other. "We are now looking at what promises to be the ferocious climax to what has been a battle of blood, sweat, tears, and Monsters the likes of which this world has never before seen!"
No making promises you can't keep this early in the story!
Down in the large auditorium, the two duelists were pondering while keeping poker-faced.
A little gambling is fun when you're with them.
The male player – Yugi – had one monster on his side: Pumpking the King of Ghosts. Its vitals were displayed in one of the five screens below him, with the number 1,800 over 2,000, and a red light indicating its Attack position. The female duelist (her name was Sophia) had the Dragon Zombie on her side; the numbers 1,600 over zero were below her, with a blue light indicating Defense mode.
Here we have the first hints of what will be a problem that only gets larger with time - few to no details at all. The readers might be reasonably expected to know what Dragon Zombie and Pumpking look like, since they were featured in a fairly well-known episode of the Duelist Kingdom arc, but this is about as dry as overcooked pork.
"It looks bad for Sophia right now ladies and gentlemen," said the first announcer. "Yugi's mad jack-o-lantern has already laid waste to two of her monsters, and it looks like her Dragon Zombie may soon follow; her Life Points are down to 300, while Yugi's got a lead with 700.
"That's right Nick; her only chance is to draw a new monster, and it better be a good one."
Three grammar cock-ups for the price of one! There's a missing comma in the first sentence, a missing set of quotation marks, and the first announcer was named "Ted" a few paragraphs ago, but is called "Nick" here.
Sophia looked at her cards… and then at her deck. She reached for her deck…
She smiled as she drew the card.
"Man, she looks happy," said Nick. "I do believe she got a good one."
My eyes are glazing over and we're only a few paragraphs in. I wish I drank.
Sophia slapped the card down. "The Snake Hair, in Attack mode!" she yelled. A reptilian lady with snakes for hair appeared on the grid. The numbers 1,500 over 1,200 appeared in her second box.
The Man Called True dozed off.
"Whoa!" said Ted. "And a good one it is! But not quite good enough, I'm afraid…"
"Hold it, Ted," said Nick. "I believe something happens when The Snake Hair and Dragon Zombie are on the same field…"
"Dragon Zombie and Snake Hair: Fusion!" yelled Sophia.
The two monsters raised their hands and "high-fived" each other.
But what good is brofisting going to do her?
The two monsters raised their hands and "high-fived" each other. A bolt of energy struck them, and in a flash, they were gone, replaced by a giant skeletal elephant! The stats under Sophia disappeared, and were replaced by one that read 2,200 over 1,800.
"Great Mammoth of Goldfine, in attack mode!" yelled Sophia.
Play close attention to the Great Mammoth's attack points. They're easy to see, since the numbers are the only things in that paragraph that stand out. They're very important for what's about to happen.
"The Great Mammoth of Goldfine!" said Ted. "Now THAT is a good one! Can Pumpking survive the onslaught of this undead elephant?"
"Great Mammoth, attack!" yelled Sophia. The Mammoth lowered its tusks and charged towards Pumpking! The zombie exploded in a burst of pumpkin guts!
Brian Corvello once again lets himself get a bit too excited. It's one of the basics of writing - you don't use exclamation points in the narrative text.
"No, it can not," said Nick.
Yugi's life points slipped, going down from 700 to 200.
STOP RIGHT THERE.
I told you to pay attention to the Great Mammoth's attack points. Now go back up and look at Pumpking's Attack Points.
Subtract the latter from the former. Then subtract the difference from 700. You'll see a very important mistake that Brian Corvello, despite supposedly having revised this story, let slip completely out of his fucking grasp.
"Sophia has turned Pumpking into squash!" said Nick. "And now the shoe may be on the proverbial other foot!"
Ted then punched Nick out for mixing his metaphors.
"Sophia may have turned this battle around," said Ted. "Whatever move Yugi makes now may determine the outcome of this tournament!"
"That's the end of my turn Yugi," said Sophia. "Your move."
Do they just not teach how to use commas anymore? Do they?
"C'mon Yugi!" shouted Mary from the front row. "Mash that mammoth! It ain't over yet!"
Well, at least she got the "Yell meaningless encouragement" part of her dad's character down.
Yugi started to sweat. Okay, he thought, looking at his hand. Remember what dad always says. Trust the cards…
He drew from his deck.
It slipped from his sweat-slicked fingers and fluttered out into the crowd, necessitating an embarassing time-out.
"Yes!" he said, throwing the card down. "Dark Magician Girl, in Attack mode!"
In a flash, the cute, feminine version of his father's favorite card appeared. (2,000/1,700)
Wow. Zero description for the crux card in the entire duel. This, at least, he eventually got better about.
"The Dark Magician Girl!" said Ted. "Quite the sought-after novelty card there."
"But I don't see how it can help him…" said Nick. "She doesn't have enough Attack Points to destroy the Great Mammoth…"
Then Yugi slowly drew a card from his hand…
And the arbitors called him on his cheating and dragged him off the podium.
"Hang on Nick!" said Ted. "I don't think Yugi's done!"
Yugi placed another card on the table, and suddenly an amulet with a deep purple gem appeared above the Dark Magician Girl. It slowly lowered, until it situated itself around her neck. Suddenly, the attack scores below him went up to 2,500 over 1,700!
At that point everyone realized that the Dark Magician Girl was actually the Dark Magician in drag. Psychotherapists throughout Domino City rejoiced.
Skipping redundant description of what the Black Pendant does...
"Dark Magician Girl, attack that overgrown elephant! Dark magic attack!"
The spellcaster twirled her baton and fired a lightning bolt at the skeleton. An explosion shook the arena, and the Mammoth blew to pieces. Sophia's Life Points were reduced to zero.
The final attack of the duel doesn't even rate an exclamation point.
Yugi is declared the winner, there's a moment of good sportsmanship, and we're introduced to the third main character:
Next to Mary, a boy was taking pictures with a camera.
"Did you get the shot where the Girl blew it up?" asked Mary.
"You bet!" said the photographer. "This will make a great photo for the school paper!"
"Just make sure to crop it right this time, Pete," said Mary. "I fondly remember that time you messed up the picture with my Thousand Dragon."
"Sheesh, cut a monster's head off two or three times and you hear about it forever.
Meet Peter, whose camera is effectively the whole of his characterization. Notable for being a heroic character who plays Archfiends, which is an interesting deck theme for a hero (normally heroes aren't allowed to have Fiend decks). Unfortunately, this doesn't really make him more interesting.
SCENE CHANGE and the introduction of the fourth main character:
Later, as evening had fallen, Yugi, Mary, and Peter strode into the Pizzarific in Soho, where a friend was waiting for him. Yugi was carrying his prize trophy under his arm.
"Yugi, my man, gimme five!" shouted a boy at a table.
"Hey Clive," said Yugi.
Clive ended up being by far the most popular of the heroes in the series for three reasons. One, he played the Dark Scorpions, which have always gotten positive attention from the fanfic community. Two, he eventually acquires a girlfriend, and is one of the few characters in a Brian Corvello story to have sexual urges portrayed in a positive (if abstinent) light. Three, he ends up being one of the only characters in the series to display true emotion depth.
Clive's already ordered a pizza and root beer, and they discuss the tournament:
"Amazing how you managed to draw Dark Magician Girl at just the right time," said Clive, "when you already had the Black Pendant in your hand. It was quite a lucky draw."
"In the grand scheme of things, Clive, there is no such thing as luck," said Yugi. "My father always said, one must be in sync with the Heart of the Cards; he must become one with the cards to draw the right Monster, Magic, or Trap card, and become victorious."
This becomes hilarious when you bear in mind that one of the Pharaoh's explicit powers in the Japanese version is topdecking.
"Oh, c'mon Yugi," said Chad. "You actually believe in that stuff? I suppose you even believe that the ancient Shadow Games were real."
"Well," said Yugi, "I do have this." He looked down at the Millennium Puzzle, hanging around his neck. "My father told me it had a sort of soul of its own that aided him when he was a duelist. And you can't deny the strange things that he encountered when he was my age." He looked at the Puzzle again. "Still, I haven't been able to get it to do anything but look expensive yet."
"Goes nicely with my Queen Anne outfit, though."
"Ah well, check please," said Clive.
As the waiter started to bring the check to the table, a sweet feminine voice spoke out from another table: "I'll take care of that, if you please."
The most suspicious thing in the world - a woman offering to pick up the check!
Yugi and his friends looked up. A pair of figures stood up from the table next to theirs. One was a burly man in a black business suit and sunglasses. The other was a tall woman, in a white business suit, also wearing sunglasses, and with platinum blonde hair down to her waist. She gave her credit card to the waiter.
It's Emma Frost and Sebastian Shaw! Run for it!
Yugi's eyes turned to a cold stare.
She turned to her companion. "Go wait in the limo, Fredericks; I doubt there could be any trouble in this pizza parlor."
Then you've never seen a TMNT episode.
She turned to Yugi. "Well, Yugi Muto Jr. This is indeed an honor." She raised her hand out. "I don't think we've been formally introduced. I am…"
"I know who you are!" snapped Yugi. "Forgive me if I don't shake, Miss Pegasus. My father and your father weren't exactly friends."
Back up about nine yards. If Yugi's dad told him anything about the Millennium Puzzle, the Shadow Games, Duelist Kingdom, and the events related to such, wouldn't he have explained Pegasus's true motives, Cecelia, and all of that? Why is Yugi acting like Maximillian Pegasus was the Devil himself?
She sighed. "I know. My father was a rat. I guess it is up to me to carry the burden of his sins.
At least we'll see later that Anastasia has personal reasons to hold a grudge against the senior Pegasus.
That's one of the reasons I wanted to meet with you personally – you too Mary."
"Huh?" said Mary.
"I was watching you both in the tournament; both of you did quite well."
"I only came in third place," said Mary.
Because gods forbid she come anywhere close to where the MAN placed.
"But it was better than the guy who came in fourth," continued Anastasia. "Anyway, like I said, my father caused your folks so much trouble that I wanted to meet with you personally, rather than send these through the mail."
She took from her coat two envelopes sealed with wax and addressed to the two duelists.
"Don't open these in a public place, I want to keep the collateral damage down."
"You no doubt have heard the rumors of my new theme park," she continued, as she produced a map from her jacket. "Well, it is no rumor. On an island off the coast of Crete, I have just finished constructing the Duelist Labyrinth!"
Haha do you get it a labyrinth next to Crete haha.
She spread the map on the table, and revealed a beautiful painting of an island. It contained mountains, forests, a desert, giant statues, several towers and castles, and one huge palace in the center.
How big is that map? How big is that fucking jacket?!?
"It's over three times the size of my father's old Duelist Kingdom," said Anastasia. "And I'm holding a grand invitation-only tournament six weeks from now for its grand opening. And I can't go enough into the new dueling stations. The holograms are a great improvement over any previous versions – your Dark Magician will look darker and more magical than ever! And wait until you see what happens when the monsters are killed – the deaths are gorier and more violent than ever. But enough beating around the bush: you two are invited."
So... sounds exactly like your father's old Duelist Kingdom, but with a silly name.
"Why should I even trust you?" said Yugi. "You're father only 'invited' my father last time because he wanted this." He held up his Millennium Puzzle. "And if I recall, he didn't really 'invite' him – he blackmailed him into coming using his grandfather's – MY great-grandfather's – soul as a bargaining chip."
Because he was tempted by the tainted magic in the Millennium Eye due to the influence of Zorc Necrophades, using his dead wife's memory against him. Your dad forgave him, Yugi, why are you being such an ass? And why did you botch your homonym?
"Sigh… indeed he did," said Anastasia,
...Did she just SAY the word "Sigh"?
"and I can't even begin to excuse such a vile act. But rest assured, contrary to rumors, I have no power to steal souls. And I have no interest in your silly puzzle. I don't even believe that the mythic Shadow Games were real."
Yugi didn't exactly like the way she said that.
I'm already soundly irritated with Yugi Jr., and we're not even out of Chapter 1. Is there anything the pomptous little bastard LIKES?
"Then why invite us at all?" asked Yugi. "I heard that my dad soundly humiliated yours."
She took out a pair of cards. "Tell me Yugi… if someone turned the terrain of the playing field into a Wasteland, would you play the Red Archery Girl, or The 13th Grave?" She held out the two cards.
"The 13th Grave, of course," said Yugi.
"Why?" she said. "Red Archery Girl is superior both in Attack and Defense power."
"Yes, but in a Wasteland, Aqua monsters are weakened, but Zombie ones are strengthened."
"Exactly," she said. "Not many duelists would come to that conclusion so fast. You are one of the best that there is my friend."
That's basic duelist math. If you know anything about the three cards you can do it in seconds. Though you'd probably do it without dropping a comma.
Anastasia lowered her sunglasses and peered over them slightly. "Think about it Yugi," she said. "I'm offering you a great opportunity. I run the company that created the game, and this tournament is the greatest in the world. Do you want to live under your father's shadow all your life, or do you want to equal – or perhaps even surpass him? You can accept my invitation and gain glory and fame… or you can settle for your pathetic little trophies made from fake gold and imitation wood."
That's a pretty decent "Dare To Be Badass" speech, I have to admit. Though frankly, since this is basically Duelist Kingdom BUT BIGGER, he'd still be in his dad's shadow.
She turned to leave. "I believe the school year for you ends in three weeks, giving both of you time to prepare. Just RSVP me at least two weeks in advance of the tournament."
Here we see Brian avoiding the old "Shouldn't they be in school now?" problem. One that in my own stories, I avoided by having everyone involved be graduates (and not in college for their own reasons).
As she left, Yugi took out his deck. He shuffled. Then he drew the top card.
The Dark Magician. His father's favorite card.
If that wasn't an omen, he didn't know what was.
Yes, but an omen of WHAT? The Dark Magician isn't always a nice guy. Ask Arkana.
The title is "Invitation to Destiny". This is before Brian started using card names for his chapter titles. Double-edged sword.
"Welcome back," said the announcer to the left. "If you're just joining us, I don't have any sympathy for your sorry you-know-what, 'cause you missed one heck of a duel!"
Even in a world with card games getting the full NFL treatment, I don't think the announcers would feel the need to censor themselves. Except maybe to avoid FCC fines.
WE ALL LIVE IN AMERICA: 2
"That's right, Ted," said the other. "We are now looking at what promises to be the ferocious climax to what has been a battle of blood, sweat, tears, and Monsters the likes of which this world has never before seen!"
No making promises you can't keep this early in the story!
Down in the large auditorium, the two duelists were pondering while keeping poker-faced.
A little gambling is fun when you're with them.
The male player – Yugi – had one monster on his side: Pumpking the King of Ghosts. Its vitals were displayed in one of the five screens below him, with the number 1,800 over 2,000, and a red light indicating its Attack position. The female duelist (her name was Sophia) had the Dragon Zombie on her side; the numbers 1,600 over zero were below her, with a blue light indicating Defense mode.
Here we have the first hints of what will be a problem that only gets larger with time - few to no details at all. The readers might be reasonably expected to know what Dragon Zombie and Pumpking look like, since they were featured in a fairly well-known episode of the Duelist Kingdom arc, but this is about as dry as overcooked pork.
"It looks bad for Sophia right now ladies and gentlemen," said the first announcer. "Yugi's mad jack-o-lantern has already laid waste to two of her monsters, and it looks like her Dragon Zombie may soon follow; her Life Points are down to 300, while Yugi's got a lead with 700.
"That's right Nick; her only chance is to draw a new monster, and it better be a good one."
Three grammar cock-ups for the price of one! There's a missing comma in the first sentence, a missing set of quotation marks, and the first announcer was named "Ted" a few paragraphs ago, but is called "Nick" here.
Sophia looked at her cards… and then at her deck. She reached for her deck…
She smiled as she drew the card.
"Man, she looks happy," said Nick. "I do believe she got a good one."
My eyes are glazing over and we're only a few paragraphs in. I wish I drank.
Sophia slapped the card down. "The Snake Hair, in Attack mode!" she yelled. A reptilian lady with snakes for hair appeared on the grid. The numbers 1,500 over 1,200 appeared in her second box.
The Man Called True dozed off.
"Whoa!" said Ted. "And a good one it is! But not quite good enough, I'm afraid…"
"Hold it, Ted," said Nick. "I believe something happens when The Snake Hair and Dragon Zombie are on the same field…"
"Dragon Zombie and Snake Hair: Fusion!" yelled Sophia.
The two monsters raised their hands and "high-fived" each other.
But what good is brofisting going to do her?
The two monsters raised their hands and "high-fived" each other. A bolt of energy struck them, and in a flash, they were gone, replaced by a giant skeletal elephant! The stats under Sophia disappeared, and were replaced by one that read 2,200 over 1,800.
"Great Mammoth of Goldfine, in attack mode!" yelled Sophia.
Play close attention to the Great Mammoth's attack points. They're easy to see, since the numbers are the only things in that paragraph that stand out. They're very important for what's about to happen.
"The Great Mammoth of Goldfine!" said Ted. "Now THAT is a good one! Can Pumpking survive the onslaught of this undead elephant?"
"Great Mammoth, attack!" yelled Sophia. The Mammoth lowered its tusks and charged towards Pumpking! The zombie exploded in a burst of pumpkin guts!
Brian Corvello once again lets himself get a bit too excited. It's one of the basics of writing - you don't use exclamation points in the narrative text.
"No, it can not," said Nick.
Yugi's life points slipped, going down from 700 to 200.
STOP RIGHT THERE.
I told you to pay attention to the Great Mammoth's attack points. Now go back up and look at Pumpking's Attack Points.
Subtract the latter from the former. Then subtract the difference from 700. You'll see a very important mistake that Brian Corvello, despite supposedly having revised this story, let slip completely out of his fucking grasp.
"Sophia has turned Pumpking into squash!" said Nick. "And now the shoe may be on the proverbial other foot!"
Ted then punched Nick out for mixing his metaphors.
"Sophia may have turned this battle around," said Ted. "Whatever move Yugi makes now may determine the outcome of this tournament!"
"That's the end of my turn Yugi," said Sophia. "Your move."
Do they just not teach how to use commas anymore? Do they?
"C'mon Yugi!" shouted Mary from the front row. "Mash that mammoth! It ain't over yet!"
Well, at least she got the "Yell meaningless encouragement" part of her dad's character down.
Yugi started to sweat. Okay, he thought, looking at his hand. Remember what dad always says. Trust the cards…
He drew from his deck.
It slipped from his sweat-slicked fingers and fluttered out into the crowd, necessitating an embarassing time-out.
"Yes!" he said, throwing the card down. "Dark Magician Girl, in Attack mode!"
In a flash, the cute, feminine version of his father's favorite card appeared. (2,000/1,700)
Wow. Zero description for the crux card in the entire duel. This, at least, he eventually got better about.
"The Dark Magician Girl!" said Ted. "Quite the sought-after novelty card there."
"But I don't see how it can help him…" said Nick. "She doesn't have enough Attack Points to destroy the Great Mammoth…"
Then Yugi slowly drew a card from his hand…
And the arbitors called him on his cheating and dragged him off the podium.
"Hang on Nick!" said Ted. "I don't think Yugi's done!"
Yugi placed another card on the table, and suddenly an amulet with a deep purple gem appeared above the Dark Magician Girl. It slowly lowered, until it situated itself around her neck. Suddenly, the attack scores below him went up to 2,500 over 1,700!
At that point everyone realized that the Dark Magician Girl was actually the Dark Magician in drag. Psychotherapists throughout Domino City rejoiced.
Skipping redundant description of what the Black Pendant does...
"Dark Magician Girl, attack that overgrown elephant! Dark magic attack!"
The spellcaster twirled her baton and fired a lightning bolt at the skeleton. An explosion shook the arena, and the Mammoth blew to pieces. Sophia's Life Points were reduced to zero.
The final attack of the duel doesn't even rate an exclamation point.
Yugi is declared the winner, there's a moment of good sportsmanship, and we're introduced to the third main character:
Next to Mary, a boy was taking pictures with a camera.
"Did you get the shot where the Girl blew it up?" asked Mary.
"You bet!" said the photographer. "This will make a great photo for the school paper!"
"Just make sure to crop it right this time, Pete," said Mary. "I fondly remember that time you messed up the picture with my Thousand Dragon."
"Sheesh, cut a monster's head off two or three times and you hear about it forever.
Meet Peter, whose camera is effectively the whole of his characterization. Notable for being a heroic character who plays Archfiends, which is an interesting deck theme for a hero (normally heroes aren't allowed to have Fiend decks). Unfortunately, this doesn't really make him more interesting.
SCENE CHANGE and the introduction of the fourth main character:
Later, as evening had fallen, Yugi, Mary, and Peter strode into the Pizzarific in Soho, where a friend was waiting for him. Yugi was carrying his prize trophy under his arm.
"Yugi, my man, gimme five!" shouted a boy at a table.
"Hey Clive," said Yugi.
Clive ended up being by far the most popular of the heroes in the series for three reasons. One, he played the Dark Scorpions, which have always gotten positive attention from the fanfic community. Two, he eventually acquires a girlfriend, and is one of the few characters in a Brian Corvello story to have sexual urges portrayed in a positive (if abstinent) light. Three, he ends up being one of the only characters in the series to display true emotion depth.
Clive's already ordered a pizza and root beer, and they discuss the tournament:
"Amazing how you managed to draw Dark Magician Girl at just the right time," said Clive, "when you already had the Black Pendant in your hand. It was quite a lucky draw."
"In the grand scheme of things, Clive, there is no such thing as luck," said Yugi. "My father always said, one must be in sync with the Heart of the Cards; he must become one with the cards to draw the right Monster, Magic, or Trap card, and become victorious."
This becomes hilarious when you bear in mind that one of the Pharaoh's explicit powers in the Japanese version is topdecking.
"Oh, c'mon Yugi," said Chad. "You actually believe in that stuff? I suppose you even believe that the ancient Shadow Games were real."
"Well," said Yugi, "I do have this." He looked down at the Millennium Puzzle, hanging around his neck. "My father told me it had a sort of soul of its own that aided him when he was a duelist. And you can't deny the strange things that he encountered when he was my age." He looked at the Puzzle again. "Still, I haven't been able to get it to do anything but look expensive yet."
"Goes nicely with my Queen Anne outfit, though."
"Ah well, check please," said Clive.
As the waiter started to bring the check to the table, a sweet feminine voice spoke out from another table: "I'll take care of that, if you please."
The most suspicious thing in the world - a woman offering to pick up the check!
Yugi and his friends looked up. A pair of figures stood up from the table next to theirs. One was a burly man in a black business suit and sunglasses. The other was a tall woman, in a white business suit, also wearing sunglasses, and with platinum blonde hair down to her waist. She gave her credit card to the waiter.
It's Emma Frost and Sebastian Shaw! Run for it!
Yugi's eyes turned to a cold stare.
She turned to her companion. "Go wait in the limo, Fredericks; I doubt there could be any trouble in this pizza parlor."
Then you've never seen a TMNT episode.
She turned to Yugi. "Well, Yugi Muto Jr. This is indeed an honor." She raised her hand out. "I don't think we've been formally introduced. I am…"
"I know who you are!" snapped Yugi. "Forgive me if I don't shake, Miss Pegasus. My father and your father weren't exactly friends."
Back up about nine yards. If Yugi's dad told him anything about the Millennium Puzzle, the Shadow Games, Duelist Kingdom, and the events related to such, wouldn't he have explained Pegasus's true motives, Cecelia, and all of that? Why is Yugi acting like Maximillian Pegasus was the Devil himself?
She sighed. "I know. My father was a rat. I guess it is up to me to carry the burden of his sins.
At least we'll see later that Anastasia has personal reasons to hold a grudge against the senior Pegasus.
That's one of the reasons I wanted to meet with you personally – you too Mary."
"Huh?" said Mary.
"I was watching you both in the tournament; both of you did quite well."
"I only came in third place," said Mary.
Because gods forbid she come anywhere close to where the MAN placed.
"But it was better than the guy who came in fourth," continued Anastasia. "Anyway, like I said, my father caused your folks so much trouble that I wanted to meet with you personally, rather than send these through the mail."
She took from her coat two envelopes sealed with wax and addressed to the two duelists.
"Don't open these in a public place, I want to keep the collateral damage down."
"You no doubt have heard the rumors of my new theme park," she continued, as she produced a map from her jacket. "Well, it is no rumor. On an island off the coast of Crete, I have just finished constructing the Duelist Labyrinth!"
Haha do you get it a labyrinth next to Crete haha.
She spread the map on the table, and revealed a beautiful painting of an island. It contained mountains, forests, a desert, giant statues, several towers and castles, and one huge palace in the center.
How big is that map? How big is that fucking jacket?!?
"It's over three times the size of my father's old Duelist Kingdom," said Anastasia. "And I'm holding a grand invitation-only tournament six weeks from now for its grand opening. And I can't go enough into the new dueling stations. The holograms are a great improvement over any previous versions – your Dark Magician will look darker and more magical than ever! And wait until you see what happens when the monsters are killed – the deaths are gorier and more violent than ever. But enough beating around the bush: you two are invited."
So... sounds exactly like your father's old Duelist Kingdom, but with a silly name.
"Why should I even trust you?" said Yugi. "You're father only 'invited' my father last time because he wanted this." He held up his Millennium Puzzle. "And if I recall, he didn't really 'invite' him – he blackmailed him into coming using his grandfather's – MY great-grandfather's – soul as a bargaining chip."
Because he was tempted by the tainted magic in the Millennium Eye due to the influence of Zorc Necrophades, using his dead wife's memory against him. Your dad forgave him, Yugi, why are you being such an ass? And why did you botch your homonym?
"Sigh… indeed he did," said Anastasia,
...Did she just SAY the word "Sigh"?
"and I can't even begin to excuse such a vile act. But rest assured, contrary to rumors, I have no power to steal souls. And I have no interest in your silly puzzle. I don't even believe that the mythic Shadow Games were real."
Yugi didn't exactly like the way she said that.
I'm already soundly irritated with Yugi Jr., and we're not even out of Chapter 1. Is there anything the pomptous little bastard LIKES?
"Then why invite us at all?" asked Yugi. "I heard that my dad soundly humiliated yours."
She took out a pair of cards. "Tell me Yugi… if someone turned the terrain of the playing field into a Wasteland, would you play the Red Archery Girl, or The 13th Grave?" She held out the two cards.
"The 13th Grave, of course," said Yugi.
"Why?" she said. "Red Archery Girl is superior both in Attack and Defense power."
"Yes, but in a Wasteland, Aqua monsters are weakened, but Zombie ones are strengthened."
"Exactly," she said. "Not many duelists would come to that conclusion so fast. You are one of the best that there is my friend."
That's basic duelist math. If you know anything about the three cards you can do it in seconds. Though you'd probably do it without dropping a comma.
Anastasia lowered her sunglasses and peered over them slightly. "Think about it Yugi," she said. "I'm offering you a great opportunity. I run the company that created the game, and this tournament is the greatest in the world. Do you want to live under your father's shadow all your life, or do you want to equal – or perhaps even surpass him? You can accept my invitation and gain glory and fame… or you can settle for your pathetic little trophies made from fake gold and imitation wood."
That's a pretty decent "Dare To Be Badass" speech, I have to admit. Though frankly, since this is basically Duelist Kingdom BUT BIGGER, he'd still be in his dad's shadow.
She turned to leave. "I believe the school year for you ends in three weeks, giving both of you time to prepare. Just RSVP me at least two weeks in advance of the tournament."
Here we see Brian avoiding the old "Shouldn't they be in school now?" problem. One that in my own stories, I avoided by having everyone involved be graduates (and not in college for their own reasons).
As she left, Yugi took out his deck. He shuffled. Then he drew the top card.
The Dark Magician. His father's favorite card.
If that wasn't an omen, he didn't know what was.
Yes, but an omen of WHAT? The Dark Magician isn't always a nice guy. Ask Arkana.
