mancalledtrue | Legacy of the Duelist: Chapter Ten, Part One

Goody... A lame setup, and Jade's back. Let's just get this over with before I try hanging myself.

Our title is “Dark Thane Macbeth”. Why does that bring such fear to my cold, frozen heart?

It was now noon. In her monitor-filled lair, Anastasia was in a comfortable chair watching her four young guests make their way down a path. Her assistant was standing behind her. She fingered a closed switchblade.

I'll be impressed when you do that trick where you stab between your fingers.

"Look at them, Mr. Baal," she said. "Trekking along though my Labyrinth, looking for opportunities…" she popped the knife open. "…blissfully unaware that with each duel they win, the Blade of Damacles draws ever closer, closer, closer… YEEOUCH!"

She dropped the blade.

"Mr. Baal, go get me a band-aid," she said.

"Not again…" sighed her assistant.

This is the point where my Scoutmaster would tear a corner off your Whittlin' Chit. Also, the Sword of Damocles is a metaphor for the weight of responsibility. You're using it wrong.

As she bound the small wound, she said, "So much for drama. Now I'm at am impasse…"

"Oh?" said Baal.

“Do I keep trying to be ominous or just embrace the 'goofy failure villain' thing?”

"Our friends our walking down Route 8 right now," said Anastasia.

First: homophone FAIL. Second: Iccirus City to Tubeline Bridge, or Lavender Town to Saffron City?

She pressed a button, and a map appeared on another monitor. "In about five minutes, they'll come to a fork in the road – the right one will take them into the Monolith Maze, while the left will take them right into the Haunted Woods. Now, while the Monolith Maze is a confusing place in its own right, I do believe I could scare them more if they went into the Haunted Woods. If only there was some way to influence their decision…"

Cue convenient contrivance!

On the trail, Yugi and his friends continued, until they came to the fork.

"Well, which way?" said Clive.

Yugi looked both ways. "I don't see a difference…"

He looked down on the ground. He picked up a foot-long stick shaped like a divining rod.

"I saw a guy do this in an old samurai movie," he said. He tossed the stick up in the air.

A look of surprise came to Anastasia's face. Quickly, she raised her cane – it glowed, and the stick fell, pointing to the left.

"Well," said Yugi, "we go left."

"Hmm," said Anastasia. "That was easier than I thought."

This was your convenient plot contrivance, provided by Brian Corvello not knowing how to naturally guide anything anywhere. He must have dotted lines on the floors of his apartment.

But unbeknownst to either Anastasia or Yugi's party, they had picked up a shadow. Carefully concealing herself in trees and shrubs, out of sight of the surveillance cameras that she could easily detect, Jade Valentine was following them. She had a goal in mind which she would reveal to Yugi when she was ready.

And that goal was STEALING THE SPOTLIGHT!

SCENE CHANGE:

As Yugi and his friends started to approach the eves of the part of the Labyrinth called the Haunted Woods (by employees of the island, mostly), Anastasia leaned back in her chair and chuckled.

“Oh, Funny Bunny never stops being awesome!”

"This should prove sufficiently nerve-wracking," she said, polishing the knob of her cane.

Holy Christ! I thought she was a woman!

Her assistant spoke up behind her. "Young Yugi and his friends have already proven themselves to have amazing willpower. I fear that the horrors of the Haunted Woods alone may not be enough. If I may make a suggestion…"

Anastasia turned to look at him with a sneer. He drew back in fright.

“NOT THE DUCT TAPE!”

The sneer turned into a smile. "Go on…" she said.

She should get those mood swings looked at.

"Well, the Weird Sisters are in the Woods, right?" said Baal.

"Correct," said Anastasia.

"Well, maybe if you inflicted one of Yugi's friends with one of your infamous Card
Curses, he'd be forced to deal with them… and then…"

“Card Curses”? And apparently she's done them enough that they've become infamous?

How has she not become a public threat?

Anastasia chuckled… and then laughed out loud.

"Oh, Mr. Baal," she said. "You have a wicked mind – genius, but wicked."

“A wonderful idea, Mr. Baal... I'm so glad I thought of it!”

She stood up. "But it's an intriguing idea. Place a curse on one of his
friends, and let him duel my fiendish Sisters for the cure – and
his friend's life in the process! Or so he'd believe…"

She went over to a desk and opened it. Inside were many Duel Monster cards.

"Now, the only problem is," she said, "which curse to use? Hmm."
She picked one up. "Call of the Grave? Naw, too messy. Eternal
Rest? No, too obvious. Gorgon's Eye? No, too quick. I want them to
suffer…"

"How about that one?" said Baal.

"Kuriboh?" said Anastasia in shock. "Please, Baal, that one would be TOO
cruel!"

"Sorry."

"Geeze, I'm not an animal," she said, looking through them again.

Best of my knowledge, we never see Card Curses again. I'm now
morbidly curious what these all do. The one we DO see is a giant
cliché.

"Ah, here's the perfect one: the Vile Germs!"

She held up the card, one used often as an Equip for Plant Monsters.

See what I mean?

She looked to the monitors again. The friends were less than fifteen minutes from the
Woods.

"Now," said Anastasia. "Who should be the 'lucky' recipient of my
curse?"

"How about the Wheeler girl?" said Baal. "She seems to be the one whom
Yugi is the most emotionally attached."

“Despite no hint of romantic attachment two chapters ago.”

"Why not?" said Anastasia. "But first I'll make a quick call to the
Sisters, and tell them to expect company…"

“Beldam is a BITCH when she's surprised.”

SCENE CHANGE:

As the four friends continued to press forward, the terrain changed slowly but
surely. The temperature changed to a chill. Soon, they began to see
less live trees and healthy shrubs, and more twisted dead trees and
brambles. Strange hootings and screechings came from above.

Yep. Definitely entering Twilight Town.

"Guys," said Yugi, "what time is it?"

"One in the afternoon," said Clive.

"Then why is it so dark?" said Yugi.

Minnesota winter. Deal with it.

They looked up. The sky – what they could see of it – was pitch black. It was as if night had fallen prematurely.

“There is no way out of here. It will be dark soon. There is no way out of here.”

Then a noise shot through the air. It was sort of a strange cackling.

"Guys," said Yugi, "keep alert. I have a feeling that we've reached a
part of this Labyrinth that leads to a dead end."

The pushed their way through the Woods, but the scenery just got spookier. Fog lifted,
obscuring the ground, and the path all but disappeared. Sinister
shadows stared menacingly from every corner.

"Guys," said Mary, "I think we're in trouble."

So they kept blindly stumbling forward without any idea where they were going.

SCENE CHANGE:

"More than you think, Mary," said Anastasia. "Now prepare yourself for
heavy fever, muscular weakness, itchy rashes, and bad loss of
appetite!"

You're giving her the seasonal flu?

She held the Vile Germs card in front of her, and the knob of her cane began to glow.

Somebody grab a towel!

The card levitated into the air, and in a flash of light, a bolt of energy
shot from it, out of the palace, and towards the Haunted Woods.

Passing through several domestic help on the way out.

SCENE CHANGE:

Lightning flashed in the sky over Yugi and his friends.

"Oh, don't tell me it's going to rain!" said Clive.

At that moment, near Mary's feet, a bush with black roses sprouted out of the ground.
It sprouted a tendril with small thorns, and took a small swipe at
the unprotected part of her leg.

That's the vector for this curse? Wow, talk about overly elaborate...

Mary barely felt a tickle, but seconds later, she felt a knot in her stomach.

Wait until the flowers start bursting out of her-

"C'mon guys," said Yugi. "The sooner we find our way out of this
forest, the better."

As they went on, Mary started to walk slower and slower, and started lagging behind.

"Mary?" said Clive. "What's the matter? You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Just have to rest for a minute…"

"Well, make sure it's just a minute," said Yugi.

This story's made a point that Mary's as tough as the boys when it comes to physical
exertion. Yugi's just being a prick here. If Mary can't keep up,
then something has to be wrong.

Mary collapses, and Yugi and company pull her up, determined to get out of the forest and
find a way station so they can get help:

In the trees above, Jade looked down. A worried look crossed her brow.

If only it was that easy Yugi, she thought. My link to the natural world is well in
tune, and I can sense that the venom ravaging Mary's body is
supernatural in nature. Someone has poisoned her on purpose!

Fuck that. Samurai were the warrior class of ancient Japan. They were trained in a few arts
other than stabbing people, but they were warriors. They weren't fucking D&D rangers!

Jade's “Sense Supernatural Evil” is possibly the single most
annoying aspect of her character. It's the only one that can't be
forgiven, no matter how lenient you are.

But I am a warrior, not a doctor.

Oh, really? I thought you were a med-school graduate, too!

My best bet is to remain hidden, both from them and these accursed surveillance
cameras, until an opportunity to help presents itself. I can only
hope one does before it is too late for Mary.

She leapt to the next branch, and continued to follow them.

I hope it breaks.

SCENE CHANGE:

An hour later, the team was hopelessly lost. They could not even discern what
direction they were going anymore.

"We could be going in circles for all we know," said Peter, getting frustrated.

That's why you shouldn't have followed your own tracks.

"Guys, look at Mary!" said Clive, who was now carrying her.

Mary's skin was now covered with ugly purple rashes.

Oooh, pretty!

She was itching them while muttering delirious things: "Baby Dragon in Attack
Mode… Time Wizard, time roulette… Relinquished, use pilfered power attack…"

Love of the Pharaohs, is this world so utterly fucked up that she has fever dreams about Duel
Monsters? This is the sort of shit LittleKuriboh was talking about!

"Huh?" said Clive. "Relinquished? Pilfered power attack? Yugi?"

"I don't know what she's talking about," said Yugi. "Something
strange is going on here…"

“Our author has a frighteningly one-tracked mind!”

"Guys, look!" said Peter. He pointed at a signpost.

They looked over at it and read. There was an arrow, underneath the words:

“PLOT POINT – 100 YARDS”

"THE WEIRD SISTERS

ALCHEMISTS EXTRAORDINAIR

LOTIONS, POTIONS, AND NOTIONS"

I wonder if they have anything for boils.

Yugi sighed. "It's a long shot," he said. "But it's the only shot
now. We have to see if these Weird Sisters can sell us some
medicine."

“I do NOT want to have to go back to Crazy Tracy.”

As they walked off in the direction of the arrow, Jade was close behind.

Hmm, she thought. My sensei tutored me in classic literature…

The traditional samurai was in fact trained in cultural facets, like literature... But it's still an asspull.

If these 'Weird Sisters' are anything like the fictitious ones in Shakespeare's work,
dealing with them could be dangerous. Yugi might well need help here.

BZZT! What got MacBeth fucked over was that he ignored the Weird
Sisters and thought their words meaningless, at least the ones that
weren't predicting good fortune (that, and he was a spineless bastard
who couldn't act on his own volition until it was too late to save
himself). The Sisters were just Fate's mouthpiece.

SCENE CHANGE:

Eventually, the four friends came to what appeared to be a stone house – it was
surrounded by a metal fence, and skulls were posted on each
fencepost. The gate was shaped like a sinister dragon. Yugi tried it,
but it was locked.

Huh. I thought that people who get their landscaping from
Skullcrusher Mountain Decorating would leave the door open.

"Hello in there!" he yelled.

All of a sudden, the rumble of thunder struck, and lightning lit up the sky. The fog
rose, and when it subsided, three figures stood in the courtyard
before the house.

They were three women, two of them rather old, and one somewhat younger. The young
one had long strawberry blond hair; the older ones could have been
twins, but one had long, stark white hair, and the other long,
pitch-black hair. They were dressed in old rags, and at their feet
was a large black cauldron, under which was a fire. Eerie green smoke
rose from the pot.

I see Brian's decided to go with the Three Faces of Eve depiction for
his version of the Sisters. Strictly speaking, this can't be said to
be wrong – Shakespeare's work is notorious for not going into much
detail as to how to portray anyone (see the centuries of debate over
Hamlet's sanity). But most versions of the Weird Sisters have all
three as elderly.

The one with blonde hair spoke up, chanting:

"Where will we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"

Then the white haired one chanted:

"When the hurly-burly's done, when the duel is lost and won;"

And finally, the black haired one:

"In the realm of endless hunger, where met Yugi Muto the Younger!"

Friend, for Jesu's sake forbear

To dig the dust enclosed here!

Blest be he that spares these stones

And curst be Brian Corvello.

The three joined hands and chanted together:

"Fair is foul, foul is fair, hover through the fog and filthy air!"

Thunder clapped again. The blonde-haired one spoke up:

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes…"

Leave the fourth wall alone, Young Witch.

They all said together, "Open locks, whoever knocks!"

The gateway swung open, by itself. Yugi and his friends drew back.

Too late for Peter, who took a hit to the face.

"Come in, young ones," said the blonde one. "How may we be of
service?"

They inched in, ready to run for their lives at the slightest moment.

"Uh…" said Yugi. "I assume you three are the Weird Sisters?"

"Collectively," said the blonde one again. "But we do have names. I am Phoebe;
allow me to present my sisters Luna," the white-haired one
nodded, "and Seline." The black-haired one nodded as well.

Ha. Ha. They all have the names of moon goddesses. Ha. Ha.

I'll do my best not to make a hundred Friendship is Magic jokes, but
I make no promises.

"Uh, yes," said Yugi. "So then… your sign down the road said you three
were alchemists… um, my friend here is sick…"

"Yugi," whispered Clive. "I do not think this is a good idea!"

"What choice do we have?" said Yugi.

“Koume and Kotake said they'd shoot us if we go back to their hut!”

"Let me take a look at her," said Phoebe. "Come now, I don't bite! Most
of the time…"

“Only with consent!”

Clive sighed. He carried Mary up to the witch. She lifted up Mary's head by the chin.

"Tiger Axe in Defense… no Attack… no Defense…" groaned Mary.

This is already old and that's only the second time it's come up.

"Hmm," said Phoebe. "Obviously, your friend has been infected with the
sap of the black rose briar. A very deadly plant that grows in these
woods. I figure she has about four hours to live at most…"

Yugi turned white. "Can you help her?"

"I could…" said Phoebe. "Fortunately, there's an easy antidote. You just
wait there…"

She went into the house, and three minutes later came back with a vial of green liquid.

"Some extract of mustard seeds, a little mandragora juice, and this will
clear up the problem!" she laughed.

So it kills you in about five hours, but the cure is easy to make. Something is wrong
here.

"Great!" said Yugi, holding his hand out.

"Uh, uh, uh!" said Phoebe, holding it out of reach. "I can make the
antidote, but it is up to my sisters whether you actually get
it!"

Thunder clapped again, and Yugi turned to Luna and Seline.

"Name your price," said Yugi, with a sneer.

Sure. Insult the people who are holding your friend's life quite
literally in their hands. Brilliant strategy, boy!

They demand a duel for the antidote – two duels, one against each older sister. And
if anyone tries to take the cure by force, it gets smashed. Yugi
demurs on the grounds that whoever goes second will know his deck:

"We could have made it a two-on-two duel," said Luna. "That would
have been fun."

"Yes, that would have indeed been a good option," said Seline. "But
sadly, your partner is in no condition to play."

Look carefully at the wording here. There's a problem that
completely escaped Brian.

And then, a green blur came flying from the sky.

"What?" said Phoebe.

With the grace of an eagle, Jade leapt down and landed in front of the hags.

Don't you love how Brian always digs for positive modifiers when describing anything
Jade does?

She removed her helmet.

"A two-on-two it will be," said Jade. "I will be Yugi's partner."

"Jade?" said Yugi. "Where did you…"

"I'll explain later," said Jade.

"What?" said Luna. "Never! We couldn't…"

"You will," said Jade. "Just a moment ago you told Yugi that a two-on-two
could be an option. You are employees of Pegasus… you are forbidden
to lie…"

They never said it could be an option. They said it might have been an
option if Mary weren't incapacitated. At no point was Yugi ever
explicitly offered a two-on-two duel.

Congratulations, Jade. You just violated the first of the samurai's virtues – gi. Honesty.

"But.." said Seline.

"One moment," said Phoebe. "My sisters and I must have words!"
She grabbed the two of them by the ears and dragged them into the
house.

The sound of bitch slaps rang through the woods.

Yugi and his friends tried to listen, but they could only hear bits and pieces.

Inside, Phoebe was in a fury.

"You big idiots!" she said, slapping them. "You just HAD to gloat
over him! Now that girl in the armor has us cold!"

Nobody ever took logic courses in Anastasia's training classes, I see.

"But we haven't done a two-on-two in years!" said Luna. "I don't
think we can…"

"We don't have a choice, now," said Phoebe. "Our mistress said she
would be watching us. If we go back on our word, she'll turn us into
postcards! Don't you remember what happened to Hecate?"

Ha. Ha. Their missing sister was ALSO named after a moon goddess. (In MacBeth,
Hecate is actually the Weird Sisters's matron, and punishes them for giving MacBeth a prophecy without her permission.)

"This is all your fault!" Seline said to Luna.

"Look, let's not cast the blame right now," said Luna. "We can still do
our best to unnerve them. Get the sacks."

“If we move now, we can be in Sicily by dawn.”

A minute later, the three of them emerged from the house, carrying shoulder sacks.

"We'll do it two-on-two," said Luna.

"Fine," said Yugi. "Where's the dueling station?"

"Well, we'll just have to summon one!" said Phoebe.

R + O

The Sisters thrust three large poles into the cauldron and stirred. They all
started to chant:

"Thrice the brindled cat hath mewed, thrice and once the hedge-pig wined, hear
our call, 'tis time 'tis time!"

Then Phoebe spoke alone:

"Round about the cauldron go, in the poisoned entrails throw, toad that under
coldest stone, day and nights hast thirty-one, sweltered venom,
sleeping rot, boil first in our charmed pot!"

“But where's the creamed filling?”

Then all three:

"Double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble!"

This play's version of “Dun-dun-dun-dun-dunnnnnnnn!”

Luna spoke:

"Filet of a fenny snake, in the cauldron boil and bake; eye of newt and toe of
frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog; adders folk and blind-worm's
sting, lizard's leg and owl's wing; for a charm of duelers double,
like a hell-broth, boil and bubble!"

“You're always on about eye of newt. If you had your way, the
whole broth would be nothing but newt eyes.”

All three:

"Double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble!"

Seline spoke:

"Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf, witch's mummy, maw and gulf of the ravaged
salt-sea shark, root of hemlock, digged in dark; withered leaves of
poisoned rue, gall of goat and slips of yew slivered in the moon's
eclipse, nose of Turk and rooster's lips; finger of hanged thief,
fang of demon, ivy leaf; hence the mixture for our gruel, summon
forth the place to duel!"

That's the most ridiculous recipe for a goddamn dueling station ever.
The only way to make it worse would be “Eye of rabbit, nose of
elf, hairs from the chin of Satan himself!”

A column of flame
erupted from the cauldron, and the Sisters backed up from it. Fog
enveloped the pot, and when it subsided, it had been replaced by a
dueling station, decorated by carvings of demons and hideous
monsters.

“Borrowed it from Panik.”

"Well," said Clive. "That was interesting…"

"They just want to unnerve us," said Jade. "They will fail in that regard."

As usual, nothing that could possibly make Jade look bad can do so.

"I notice you have five Duel Jewels now," said Yugi.

"I have gotten better," said Jade. "And my deck has grown too."

"Yes, I heard about the card you bought."

"And I've found others," she said.

Will they be as silly as the ones she used before?

"But now we must prevail, lest our friend perish. We must now work as partners."

They clasped hands.

And tried to crush each other's fingers.
"Alright," said Phoebe. "Take your seats, and we'll review the rules of the
two-on-two duel." Then under her breath she added, "For everyone…"

As they climbed onto the four-man station, Phoebe started. "You will take turns
as follows: Luna will go first, followed by Yugi, then Seline, and
finally Jade. All four players start with 2,000 Life Points, as in a
standard duel. If your points fall to zero, both you AND your partner
lose.

"On your turn, you have all the options as you would in a standard duel. When
you play a Monster, only you have control over it. You can make a
fusion with each other's Monsters, but then it counts as belonging to
both of you. When Life Points are lost due to a Monster's destruction
or failed attack, only its owner loses the Life Points. However,
Direct Damage affects both partners. When you play a Equip, you can
choose to use it on either your own or your partner's Monster. A
Spell Card benefits all Monsters as if a set of partners was one
duelist, and a Trap Card protects both partners' Monsters.

"Any questions?"

"No," they all said at once.

Worth keeping this sequence, since the rules of a tag duel change
every single time one comes up in these stories.

SCENE CHANGE:

In her lair, Anastasia took a bag of popcorn out of a microwave over.

Over what?

She pulled a cushioned seat in front of a monitor, on which the four duelists were
preparing to start.

"Greatest duel I've seen yet in this tournament," she said, opening the
bag, "and I've got the best seat in the house. Duel Yugi –
duel like someone's life depended on it… because for all you know,
it does!"

She laughed, and turned the volume up.

"Of course, little do you or those three idiot hags know, you all are dueling for
nothing! That curse may have made Mary sick, but even without
Phoebe's antidote, she'll recover in a few hours.

Waste of a good bit of magic. If you're going to score negative
karma, you might as well kill someone.

"Still, this will be a pleasure to watch… just seeing the fear in your eyes
every time you look at your girlfriend's face… it's a classic!"

She laughed again.

She hates her dad, yet she laughs as much as he did. Discuss.

SCENE CHANGE:

Phoebe took her seat next to Peter and Clive, who was trying hard to tend to Mary.

"Equip with… Rose Whip… no, Cyber Shield…" she muttered.

"Please, Mary, try not to talk," said Mary.

Great, she's talking to herself!

He turned to Phoebe. "You'd best not sit there," he said. "If by any chance she dies on me, you don't want to be within my reach!"

Phoebe moved a few feet away.

Fuck's sake, Clive, she didn't poison your friend! Save the manger for someone who deserves it, like Jade, for making everything even more risky by dragging Yugi into a dueling style he's not used to!

Jade lowered her helmet over her head. "Okay Yugi," she said. "This may well be the most vital duel we have yet to fight. Are you ready?"

"I will in a minute," said Yugi.

He then cried like a baby.

He reached into his mind. "Spirit of the Puzzle," he spoke out loud. "This time we can't lose. We both have to give it our all. All three of us!"

"Don't worry, Yugi," said the Spirit. "Jade is strong – she can aid you just as well as I can. As a team, you will be unstoppable!"

Tension: blown.

In a flash of light, Yugi's body made the change. "Okay hags," he said. "It's time to duel!"

"Fine," said Luna. "I play the Gemini Elf, in Attack Mode!" She lay the card down, and a pair of elves – one with white hair, one with black – appeared. (1,900/900)

They're a BLONDE and a BRUNETTE. For the love of the gods, that's the most basic beatstick available in the game at that point! How could you fuck it up?!?

Odd, thought Yugi. I've seen that Monster before – and then one of the elves was blonde, and the other was a redhead. Oh well.

Okay, it's a plot point... BRUNETTE. It's too dark to be red. EVEN WHEN IT'S A PLOT POINT THAT IT'S WRONG, HE'S WRONG.

"Yugi," whispered Jade. "Play that one." She pointed to a card in his hand.

"You sure?" he said.

She showed him her hand.

“Now you're just being rude!”

"Yeah!" whispered Yugi. He spoke out loud. "I play Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts, in Attack Mode!" he said. A huge, wolf-like humanoid Monster appeared on the grid. (1,500/1,200)

BZZT. Gazelle is quadrupedal. At no point is he ever shown as a humanoid. And “wolf-like”? It's a lion with a unicorn horn.

"And now I lay a two cards facedown," said Yugi. "Your move."

Goody, he's turning Italian.

"That wolf is no match for my Dark Witch!" said Seline. "In Attack!" She lay a card down, and a dark-haired woman in a green dress and black-feathered wings with a spear appeared. (1,800/1,700)

The dress is more yellow than green, but I'm willing to give some leeway. Maybe Brian's just colorblind.

"Attack!" shouted Seline. "Black magic strike!"

The Dark Witch aimed her spear and blasted a bolt of dark energy at Gazelle…

Yugi flipped over one of his facedown cards, and three figures in blue robes appeared between the two Monsters. The blast fizzled.

Amazing what a well-timed game of hackey-sack can do, isn't it?

"My Waboku Trap card blocks your attack," said Yugi, as they vanished. "You should really be more careful when an opponent has facedown cards on the field."

"Yeah, well Gazelle is still no match for either of our Spellcasters," said Luna.

You'd think one of the Weird Sisters would know better than to tempt fate.

"He will in a minute," said Jade. "I now summon the Beautiful Beast Tamer, in Attack Mode." She lay a card down, and a woman in a red dress, armed with a leather whip appeared. (1,750/1,500)

BZZT! GREEN dress, red sash! Honestly, was he just working with a stats list when he wrote this story?

"And by being so close to that lovely tamer," said Jade, "Gazelle is encouraged enough to gain a boost in his stats!" Gazelle's stats went up to 1,800 over 1,500.

Beautiful Beast Tamer is a real card. It's a Level 5 1750/1500 NORMAL Monster. Yet another bullshit effect from out of nowhere...

"But," continued Jade, "I don't think that leather whip is quite enough for my Tamer, so I will Equip her with the Rose Whip!" She lay the card down; a glowing whip appeared above the Beautiful Beast Tamer; she dropped her leather whip and grabbed the new one. Her stats went up to 2,150 over 1,500.

Wow. Trifecta of mistakes. Rose Whip is a Harpie Lady-only card; it raises BOTH stats; and it only raises stats by 300 points. How the hell can you make so many mistakes with a card Mai Valentine played all the damn time?

"And that concludes my move," said Jade.

"Ha!" said Luna. "Well, even with that Tamers help, that Beast will fall! Gemini Elf, dual magic attack!"

The two elves raised their hands and cast lightning bolts at Gazelle – but then the bolts turned back on themselves, incinerating both the Gemini Elf and the Dark Witch!

"Look before you leap," said Yugi. "My other facedown was a Mirror Force! I didn't use it on your first attack to lure you into a false sense of security… and now you've both paid for it!"

"You idiot!" said Seline to Luna. Seline's Life Points fell to 1,350, and Luna's to 1,375.

Oh, great. It starts. There's a phenomena called “Umbra and Lumis Syndrome”, aka “Mom Always Liked You Best”. It's seen in Yu-Gi-Oh fanfics, and it's when the enemy duelists in a tag duel inevitably fall into squabbling, argument, and petty sabotage that leads to their defeat.

Only once has Brian ever avoided this trap. Ironically, it was with the syndrome namers.

Legacy of the Duelist: Chapter Ten, Part One

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