And then it hit me.

We're hosting my mother's family for Christmas this year. This afternoon, I helped my dad set up the table. We had to pull a chair out of the back office.

I needed to count how many chairs we had and how many more we might need, so I counted my aunt, my uncle...

...my grandmother.

Grandma Carol passed away in April.

I have some problems with my emotions. I don't feel anything other than anger at full intensity. But I felt her absence at that moment.