My tweets

• Sat, 15:31: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: "Social Nobody" - Skip your grandfather's birthday party because you know you won't be able to talk to anyone.
• Sat, 22:31: Just a reminder, we're living in a world where there are crabs that are best killed with flamethrowers.
• Sat, 23:16: Something to try: Go one full day without wiping the sweat from your brow.